


The Rebooted gang reads My Immortal

by xXM0n0chromeNimbusXx



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, My Immortal
Genre: Homophobic Language, MST, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-03-23 12:38:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3768919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXM0n0chromeNimbusXx/pseuds/xXM0n0chromeNimbusXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oh god I'm gonna regret this. I'm sorry for all the My Immortal crap.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1-Yumi's Rage and Jiro insulting Ami

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god I'm gonna regret this. I'm sorry for all the My Immortal crap.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)

[Yukari: Did you mean "gothic"?]  
[Jirou: Wow. First fuckin' author's note and you're already angry.]  
[Ami: Shut up, Tachibana-kun.]  
[Jirou: I'M A WOMAN, YOU FUCKIN' DYKE!]  
[Ami: Dyke? It's because of Yukari, right?]  
[Ryou: Shut up.]

2 my gf (ew not in that way)

[Yumi: Blatant homophobia. Go on.]  
[Aiko: Ah' think she me'nt it in a diff'rent way...]

raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

[Yukari: H-hang on...MCR? As in...MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!? AND GOTHIC? THOSE GO TOGETHER LIKE CHALK AND CHEESE!]  
[Yuka: Jirou...hold me, please...]

 

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way

[Ami: Oh, god...my subculture is going to be butchered bad, isn't it?]  
[Hikaru: I thought that was some sort of get-up.]  
[Yumi: She is goth.]  
[Kokoro: Well, the more ya' know.]

and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears

[Yukari: Limpid.   
1.clear, transparent, or pellucid, as water, crystal, or air:  
We could see to the very bottom of the limpid pond.  
2\. free from obscurity; lucid; clear:  
a limpid style; limpid prose.  
3\. completely calm; without distress or worry:  
a limpid, emotionless existence.]  
[Jirou: Holy shit.]

and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee

[Kokoro: You mean the derpy-looking-yet-pretty-woman with a beautiful voice?]  
[Yukari: *sighs*]

(AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!).

[Jirou: *leaves*]  
[Hikaru: *leaves*]

[Kokoro and Yuka: HEY!]

I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie.

[Ryou: Incest much?]  
[Yukari: Oh, hell no...]  
[Tomokazu: H-hey! She could have meant something different!]  
[Everyone: NO ONE LIKES YOU.]  
[Tomokazu: *shivers with tears filling his eyes*]  
[Yukari: *hugs tomokazu* Hey!]

I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin.

[Jirou: NO SHIT.]

I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England

[Yumi: It's in Scotland.]

where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen).

[Jirou: NO SHIT.]

I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell)

[Jirou: NO SHI--]  
[Ami: Shut up.]

and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing

[Ami: Yawn.]

a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun

[Yukari: It's called sleet. And there is sun when it's...sleeting?]

, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

[Ryou: The most maturest reponse ever.]  
[Ami: I don't even do that!]

 

“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

“What’s up Draco?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

[Yumi: AW, HELL NAW. DRACO IS NOT SHY. HE JUST BROKE A RULE OF MALFOY-ISM! THIS STORY IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.]

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

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AN: IS it good?

[Everyone: NO.]

PLZ tell me fangz!


	2. Chapter 2-Yumi tells us things

[Yukari: Shit, there's more?]  
[Jirou: 44 chapters.]  
[Ami: I'm already pissed at this story for stereotyping my style.]  
[Hikaru: Well, let us continue.]

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

[Ryou: Let me undumbify that sentence. "Thanks to bloodytearz666 for proofreading this story. Smart people stop leaving reviews!]

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[Yukari: I see what you did there.]  
[Ami: Goth stereotype counter activate! 3 so far.]

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door

[Yumi: You mean lid?]

of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace,

[Yumi: A pentagram? Isn't that supposed to represent the 5 spiritual elements and/or the 5 wounds of Christ?]  
[Yuka: I wonder what this writer would think of my surname.]  
[Ryou: You mean Akatsuki?]  
[Yuka: Well, technically it means "dawn", but it is also "Red moon" according to Yumi.]  
[Yumi: I thought it was "Akira" that meant "dawn".]  
[Yukari: Shut up.]

combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)

[Yukari: SELF-INSERT.]

woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.

[Ami: They were shut before?]

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

[Yukari: NOBODY CARES.]

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

[Yumi: Actually, the Slytherin sleeping chambers are located in the dungeons.]

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me.

[Yumi: Why would a muggle band be playing in a wizarding town?]  
[Yukari: How do you know all this?]  
[Yumi: I read the books.]

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3-Carlos being Carlos

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! 

[Jirou: Those reviews were either from trolls or people as equally dumb as you.]

FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

[Yukari: Thank god.]

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On the night of the concert I put on

[Ami: Yawn.]

my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

[Hikaru: Yeah, just a casual suicide attempt.]

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway.

[Kokoro: Then why did you put it on before? That's like someone sporting a Blackface when they're already black.]

I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt

[Yumi: A pureblood wearing muggle clothes? Nope.]

(they would play at the show too)

[Yukari: So, is this like the--]  
[Jirou: No.]

, baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

[Ryou: Like Justin Bieber.]  
[Hikaru: Who's Justin Bieber?]  
[Yukari: I told him.]

“Hi Draco!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Ebony.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz

[Yumi: Why did Draco steal Mr. Weasley's car?]  
[Kokoro and Jirou: ♪WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!♪]  
[Yumi: I READ THE GODDAMN BOOKS.]

(the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. 

[Ami: Goth stereotype counter: 4]

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

“You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

[Ami: Obviously not.]  
[Yukari: YOU FUCKIN' DIDN'T.]

“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

[Yukari: Eventhough Draco didn't hear me because we were right in front of the stage.]

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

[Yukari: Hey! She's pretty! It's because you're goffik, right?]  
[Kokoro: Who's she?]

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji

[Carlos: Yeah, PETA?]  
[Kokoro: Why are you calling PETA?]

and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!

[Ami: dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN]

[Yukari: So, there's no ending Author's note this time...]  
[Jirou: So?]  
[Yukari: Nothing...]


	4. Chapter 4-Fukawa joins the party and an awful sex scene

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!

[Ami: Oh, I thought it was "Ebony".]

DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent!

[Yukari: That isn't an excuse.]

dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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“DRACO!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Draco didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it.

[Jirou: And then he died. The end.]

I walked out of it too, curiously.

[Kokoro: DING DONG THE SUE IS GONE!]

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Ebony?” he asked.

[Jirou and Kokoro: NOOOOOOOOO!]

“What?” I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness

[Yukari: Red eyes are evil? Now I wish I was born with my mom's blue eyes.]  
[Ryo: WHY DON'T YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE MOTHERFUCKER?]  
[Jirou: Tell that to my family.]

and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

[Kokoro: This is just becoming cheesy.]

And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.

[Hikaru: Sounds comfortable.]

[Touko: W-what are you guys reading?]  
[Yukari: Touko?]  
[Hikaru: *whispers to kokoro* Let's invite her.]  
[Kokoro: Yo, Fukawa! Come join us!]  
[Touko:...Um...okay...]

[[TOUKO FUKAWA JOINS THE PARTY]]

He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.

[Yuka: Wow? your bra?]  
[Jirou: That is literally the first thing sarcastic you have ever said.]  
[Touko: This sounds horrible.]

Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

[Hikaru and Kokoro: *both burst out laughing*]  
[Touko: Th-that's not a sex scene! That's a horrible excuse!]  
[Yukari: *holding in laughter* That's like a 5-year-olds interpertation of sex!

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm.

[Carlos: Sex doesn't work that way, love.]

We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.

[Ami: Vampires don't have any kind of bodily fluids. That would require blood flow.]

And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

[Ami: This is literally the best line in the entire story.]

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I guess I should explain why Jiro's name is "Jiro" eventhough she's a woman. Jiro is most commonly translated to "second/next son", and the Jiro I have is a girl. Her family just has weird traditions.


	5. Chapter 5-Yumi points out more canon-rapey-ness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the end of this MST, Yukari is going to piss her pants in rage.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr!

[Ami: Actually it maens they're smart people or REAL GOTHS. The goths you see are emos in denial.]

Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

[Ryou: I'm not even going to bother.]

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Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!”

[Yukari: Ludacris? Is that you?]

he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

[Jirou: Stop with the poetic crap already!]  
[Touko: Th-this is the worst thing I've ever read!]  
[Yukari: It gets worse.]  
[Touko: Oh no...]

Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall

[Yumi: Hang on...her? Why?]

who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall.

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.

[Yumi: It would be better if those two sentences were switched.]

And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

[Yumi: You mean down?]

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Ebony?” Draco asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied.

[Touko: This makes no sense! This person is a horrible excuse for an author!]

I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom,

[Yumi: Hang on...how did he even get in there?]

and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’

[Yukari: *starts singing i just wanna live*]

by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there.

[Yumi: I have no fucking idea either.]

We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

[Ryou: Huh?]


	6. Chapter 6-In which Harry's character is butchered by Tara

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

[Jirou: I'm even surprised this fanfic even got good reviews. It's terrible.]

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on

[Ami: Yawn.]

a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

[Aiko: 'Cuz t'at's good for yer' hair.]  
[Touko: What is this?]  
[Ami: It's called "My Immortal"]

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk

[Yukari: What a wholesome breakfast.]

, and a glass of red blood.

[Ryou: Oh, I thought it was pink blood!]  
[Ami: What?]

Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face

[Yumi: You just put weird thoughts in my head.]

and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore

[Yumi: H-Hang on...you...]

and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.

[Yumi: Yep, she did.]

He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent.

[Hikaru: He didn't even talk yet!]

He looked exactly like Joel Madden.

[Yumi: Daniel Radcliffe does not look like Joel Madden. Right, Yukari?]  
[Yukari: Yeah.]

He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.

[Yumi: Actually, there's something called a "clitoral erection", so yes, women can, in fact get erections.]

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Harry Potter

[Yumi: NO SHIT.]  
[Jirou: Hey, you stole my schtick!]

, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.

[Ami: That sentence physically pained me.]

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me

[Jirou: DICK IN A BOX. FUCKIN' CALLED IT.]

so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7-Evanescence references and Ryo's big dong

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life

[Yukari: Fuck you.]

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U!

[Jirou: Critiques =/= Flaming]

Evony isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

[Touko: Those aren't flaws! She's still a Mary Sue!]  
[Ryou: Huh?]  
[Touko: A Mary sue is an overly-perfect female character with no flaws.]

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Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings

[Yukari: Lalalalalalalala...all I can think about is death metal.]

on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)

[Ami: Yes.]

. I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes.

[Kokoro: Fucking stop it!!!]

I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra

[Ami: Sounds comfy.]

and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine

[Yukari: "and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine". Ebony is a transgender? And how do you stick your dick in someone's urethra?]  
[Touko: You can't.]  
[Ryou: Reminds me of this one 4chan post.]  
[Yuka: Huh?]

and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

[Yukari: Yes. and also hilarious.]

“Oh Draco, Draco!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire!

[Ami: Hang on...she didn't see that before?]  
[Tomokazu: The forest could have been really dark.]  
[Yukari: You're right.]

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

[Everyone: *jaw hanging open*]

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what

[Ryou: Is it bigger than mine?]  
[Touko and Ami: Wh-what?]  
[Ryou: Did I say that out loud?]  
[Jirou: Yup.]  
[Yukari: Probably.]

but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

“VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.

[Jirou: RYOU AKITA, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!]  
[Ryou: What did I do?]  
[Jirou: *holds up a pair of panties* I found this in your dorm yesterday.]


	8. Chapter 8-AmiZono and Yumi explaining more shit.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!

[Aiko: No. It means yer' smart.]

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Everyone in the class stared at me

[Yumi: That's what you'd expect after screaming at the fucking boy who lived.]

and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

“Ebony, it’s not what you think!” Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.

[Touko: Red contact lenses are a trend here, aren't they?]  
[Jirou: Yup.]

She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

[Yumi: Fuck you. Hermione is my favorite.]

She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

[Ryou: So, apparently, if you're a Satanist, you have to be in Slytherin.]  
[Yumi: I took a whole bunch of Harry Potter quizzes and all I got was Hufflepuff.]  
[Ami: Hang on...are you a Satanist?]  
[Yumi: No, no...]

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Draco!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Ebony was so mad at me.

[Carlos: Hang on, why did it suddenly switch POVs?]  
[Yukari: What the fuck?]

I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker.

[Yuka: Huh?]

We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic.

[Ami: Suffering through some shit? BECOME GOTH.]

(Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

[Ami: I hang out with Maizono a lot, and I think she'd qualify as a "prep".]

“But I’m not going out with Draco anymore!” said Vampire.

“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility

[Ryou: What's that?]

to Draco

[Yukari: You didn't even specify that you switched POVs over again.]

and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Chapter 9-In which Ebony is an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY BIRTHDAY IS IN TWO DAYS YEA BOIIIIIIIII

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie

[Yumi: It's best to read the books.]

ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist!

[Yukari: You shouldn't let people who believe in different things bother you. I'm an Athiest, and I don't diss religious people.]

MCR ROX!

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose

[Ryou: Paging the Department of Redundancy Department!]

(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Voldemort!

[All: ISN'T IT OBVIOUS???]

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away.

“Crookshanks!”

[Yumi: *bursts out laughing* T-that's not a spell--AHAHAHA]

I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.

[Touko: T-then you're n-not a s-sadist...]

“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!”

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.

[Yukari and Yumi: SHUT UP.]

I remembered that Draco had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

[Hikaru: He did.]

“No, Voldemort!” I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun.

[Yumi: YOU HAVE WANDS. USE THEM, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!]

“No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.”

[Kokoro: What does that have to do with anything?]

he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

“Draco!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

[Yukari: *double facepalms*]

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

[Jirou: Dumbass bitch.]

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.


End file.
